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welcome to our world!

...Dear old Dad...he wanted sons so bad but wound up with us - seemingly having the last laugh and getting some solace by giving us boys names (dani & josi) He then spent 18 years waiting for the bathroom, missing his beloved hockey games so he could take us to Ski lessons, and chasing away Jo's boyfriends. When we were both old enough he gave us his old car, packed it up, and paid the first, last, and security on our own apartment clear across town (we took it personally).

Then he had a big screen plasma TV installed in the bathroom and hasn't been heard from since.

Thank you so much! Danielle & Josephine

the scorpion tail

we listed a set of hooters "DON'T GIVE UP" wristbands a while back - this was shortly after dani had an incident (she fell) on a poor defenseless florida scorpion - the listing pretty much told the story of what happened so here is a part of that listing:

I’m going to turn our listing for our Hooters “Don’t Give Up” orange wrist bands over to Josi as I managed to get bitten by a vicious, totally destructive, possibly fatal insect and the doctor has me on medicine that is knocking me out…but I’m trying to get back to work tomorrow…

Thank you all so much for looking in…

all yours in total pain,

Dani

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does anyone else see the irony of dani giving up on our “don’t give up” wristband listing! – hi everyone and for the record dani did not just get bitten by any bug – she in her own unique way got bitten by a SCORPION – (see second picture) – who knew? – we’ve lived here all our lives and didn’t know florida had scorpions – we thought all you folks out in arizona had the monopoly on them - and did you get her not wanting to miss work? - she has the perfect excuse and doctor's note! - i'd be at the beach * i mean unable to work for a week if i had a sweet deal like hers – poor dani bounced off her rollerblades going through the banyan park and landed on a very irate florida bark scorpion – after biting or stinging or whatever scorpions do dani immediately got my attention by screaming –

"josi - i got bitten by a bug!"

“dani it’s a scorpion!”

“i don’t care what month it was born in!”

“no ditz not scorpio! * scorpion!"

"y’know from the desert * looks like a lobster * stings with deadly poison!"

“oh great i broke a nail” (dani's priorities right in line always!)

for the record we will get to the wristbands but they do look just like little lobsters just like in the movies - i got the cell and called the nice folks at the healthcare hotline – i explained dani got stung bitten whatever by a crazed wild rabid scorpion that had somehow migrated from arizona to florida to bite my sister – after the lady on the other end of the phone got done laughing it went like this –

“what’s her name?”

“we haven’t named it”

“no your sister”

“dani”

“i thought 'he' was your sister”

“sorry d-a-n-i not d-a-n-n-y”

“oh what’s your name?”

“jo”

“you sound like a girl”

“you don’t go on ebay much do you?”

“huh?” - (pause) - “where did she get bitten”

“in the park”

“no where on your sister”

“it depends – do i have to suck out poison or something like that?”

“what was she doing?”

“dani or the scorpion?”

“your sister”

“oh she was falling on it!”

“it would help if you brought the scorpion to the hospital with you”

“no way lady”

   “don’t worry it probably wasn’t poisonous”

    “excuse me probably?”

   "can you catch it?"

“i'm really not that fond of her…”

at this point it came to me that i might lose dani…it also came to me that dad was still relatively young and could make me another sister so i abandoned scorpion hunting and rolled dani to the doctor – i’d like to say she was inspired to hang on because of her “don’t give up” hooters wristband – but she was whining and even more annoying than usual – yes folks she will survive so i still have to split tips with her – but i finished our listing without interruption! - and that's the way it was - xoxo-josi

dani and the manatee

we were at the beach a little while ago near the jetty entrance to port everglades in fort Lauderdale – we were with some friends who were setting up lunch and dani (who rarely has anything to do with food unless there’s a tip in it!) was sunning near the shore in about a foot of water – she had her head on one of those inflatable pillows and there were very little waves so dani was kind of dozing off – about ten or fifteen minutes go by and all of a sudden dani feels something bump into her – something big! – dani opens her eyes and sees this giant critter that she thinks is about to digest her – in typical ‘dani-over-reacting-fashion' she musters up some courage from watching all those "jaws" movies and starts to swing wildly at the beast – kicking * punching * and raising doubts about the creature’s mother – dani apparently noticed that none of us were coming to help her – on the contrary we were doubled over in laughter! – the lifeguard ran over to dani and yelled:

"what’s wrong with you? leave it alone"

"it’s trying to eat me!!!" yells dani

" manatees are vegetarians!!!" "and they’re an endangered species!"

he replied pulling dani off the poor confused sea cow and muttering something about dumb tourists

"manatee?" dani gulped in embarrassment as she finally came to her senses

what made the whole episode great was there were about ten little kids around three to five years old petting and playing with dani's "viscious beast" on the manatee’s other side – the poor thing just wanted to be scratched and dani looked like the roughest thing in the ocean at that moment!

i wasn’t going to make a big deal about it but it was just so darn hard not to run down to beach place and tell every person in the restaurants the story – "hooters girl attacks defenseless manatee * film at eleven"

my sister smashes macy's

dani is an incredible klutz - it was undeniably obvious to all after this listing

Hi again! Yes Josi did take and lose the mug while we were in Orlando but we did have a really fun time and watched a bunch of people paying like $4 to $5 for Disney World shot glasses so we figured we would try one! This is from West Palm Beach, has never been shot, and comes with a picture disk and bumper sticker thrown in by my irresponsible little sister. Speaking of whom...here's Jo with the rest, have a great week, Dani

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can you believe this girl has "favorite mugs???" she doesn't even drink coffee and has hundreds of these things wallpapering the apartment - i have to point out that we are getting rid of anything in our place that is glass (because of guess who!?) and that is why we're starting small with this shot glass (easier to ship!)

i also have to point out that we only had enough time to list this shot glass because today i made the critical mistake of going to the mall with dani before work - she went to burdines (everyone who is in the real world outside of florida knows the store as "macy's") and i left dani at the clinique counter for 5 minutes to go to the atm and when i get back she's on her knees picking up glass (not shot glass - broken glass!) it thought about leaving her klutz butt but i had to hear what she did this time - for the record i have one dog tag and three keys on my key chain - dani has like forty different things on hers - a compass, stitch, hooters bottle opener, can opener, snoopy, nhl ring, mini flashlight, etc...and 16 keys of which only three are used - all on a key ring the size of a cd - she has everything on there a shot glass! - dani can't even drive by an airport without the metal detectors going off! - so yes she dropped them on the glass counter and smashed it into a zillion peices - for anyone who hasn't broken one (like most everyone dani) - those things don't break into a couple peices like a window or shot glass - they implode like a car window hit by a wrecking ball! - and there we are for the next hour cleaning up her mess - they didn't charge us - but i don't expect any of them in for dinner anytime soon - so bid on our shot glass so we can get it out of our home before she breaks that too! - please don't forget to let me know if you have a disney world epcot millenium thermal mug you wouldn't mind selling me to shut her up - now she's going to make me read poetry below as punishment - thx from your friend in the doghouse - josi

Our First Snow Ski Trip!

Keep in mind we were both born and raised in South Florida so a Ski Jacket to us is one of those foam things that keeps you from sinking while water skiing...so here's how we came to list Josi's Hooters Ski Jacket on ebay...

Hi everyone and thank you for dropping by - we missed you all so much! It's good to be back from "exile" and here's Josi's ski jacket. As usual, Jo has no idea how she came across this...but Dad wanted to take us skiing and someone probably "lent" the jacket to her. The four of us went to Killington, Vermont (Dad, Jo, me, and the ski jacket) and it was quite enlightening for Josi and I. First, we were both born and raised in South Florida so the biggest mountain we've seen is Space Mountain at Disney World. Second, we realized that neither one of us had any idea what "cold" really is and only Josi brought this ski jacket up North. You folks that live there are amazing! The beer in South Florida doesn't get as cold as it is in Summer in Vermont! So we all went up to the mountains and as soon as we got there Dad (an expert skier who used to live in New England) dumped us off on our Uncle to teach us to ski (me, Josi, and this jacket). Oh yeah, to get to the top of the mountains in Vermont you go in something called a "gondola" which are actually "port-a-potties" attached to a really long cable going to the top! Yeilding to a sick sense of humor he took us to "Bear Mountain" which sounded harmless enough (like teddy-bear right?) NO WAY! For those of you who haven't been to Killington, Bear Mountain goes straight down for a half mile and empties into the "Forest of Death! But no their not satisfied with you killing yourself that way...they put ice and rocks in the way to make it more fun for the locals to watch! And they don't even move the folks that have died on the slopes...no...they go in, find out who they were, re-rent their rooms, they just bury the bodies in snow making big mounds to fall over and New Englanders call them "moguls"!!! Needless to say the jacket did take a dive but escaped unscathed...To all of you up there our respect - it's easy getting looks in a Hooters top in South Florida but an effort for you all in ski clothes up North (however not so much an effort for Josi as I found out!) In all seriousness we had a fantastic time and everyone up there is so great! On to my little sister for the rest of the ski jacket story...so great to be back, Dani

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hey dani left out a couple things about the story behind this jacket - first of all she didn't bring one! - if you've read our stuff before dani loves really tight clothes and got her ski-suit from "fredericks of vermont" - i mean here's a girl who went to the nhl draft in a bikini and she managed to find a tight, see through ski top in new england in the middle of winter!!! - only her!!! - by the way i saved the jacket from harm but while riding to the top the klutz got makeup all over the inside of the gondola and i thought the snow police were going to bust us for malicious graffiti if they looked! - we took one huge wipe out and soaking wet, we admitted defeat and made it back to the bottom - we called it a day and headed back to the lodge - on the way dani (who is freezing from not having a ski jacket) - decides to cut across a snow bank to save time - wrong move! - she gets about half way across and woop, there it is! - she falls instantly out of sight like one of those trap door tricks a magician uses! - gone - and of course the first thing this wizard yells is "josi...i'm freezing give me your jacket!!!" - yeah right! - i figured i'd rent her room and come back in spring to get her - but then i remembered how much i love my sister (and she had our only room key in her pocket!) - to those of us from florida we had no idea a snow bank is the northern equivalent of quicksand and the more dani squirmed the more she sank - so i gave her the hooters jacket and went out to the road to get help - it is amazing how fast someone will stop when your on the road with a wet t-shirt on in the middle of winter in new england - so these nice folks jilly and warren pulled over with their snowmobile (northern equivalent of a jet-ski) - they asked me where my jacket was and i had to explain it was on my sister under six feet of snow - when they finally got done laughing - they had some rope (apparently vermonters always have rope like floridians always have sunsreen?!) - we got it to dani - and got her pulled out - xoxo josi

An ebay listing for our jumpsuit

This was probably one of our favorite listings. We were both all excited about Revenge of the Sith finally coming out in theaters and we couldn't separate reality from Star Wars the two weeks prior. We listed this jump suit and had no idea the tangent we were going off on...

(by the way - we are not responsible for the spelling in this listing - we've argued for nearly an hour on ficticious names and now we just want to sell something!)

First a word about the new Star Wars episode "Revenge of the Sith" coming out May 19^th to theaters near you (no we don’t own stock if we did we wouldn’t have to sell our Hooters Jumpsuit to afford to go to the movie!). We are both Star Wars fans and have concluded you would need about a five hour movie to tie up all the loose ends in episode three to connect up with where episode four ("The New Hope") started some three decades ago, far, far away!

First of all the entire Jedi clan except for Yoda and Obi-wan have to get wiped out. Next the Queen has to have twins from Anikan-soon-to-be-Darth-Vader and manage to convince him she didn’t really have twins (like he wouldn’t have noticed during the Lamaze classes!)…By the way, wouldn’t she be missing out on half the child support? Face it her husband is the number two dude in the galaxy and must be making a killer salary! Meanwhile she has to hide Luke on Tatooine with his desperately-in-need-of-acting-lessons - Uncle Lars. Baby Lea has to be hidden under a jump suit (nice segue, eh?) and snuck over to Alderaan under the last name "Organa" (probably the milkman) and become a princess herself. Did she totally fire her hairdresser?

In the meantime C3PO has to totally forget that Vader actually made him when he was a little boy - (boy that would thrill our Creator huh?!). R2D2 has to somehow forget that Obi-wan and he had a whole life together beating bad guys before the Jawas abandoned him with Anniken’s son Luke.

A couple other questions to be answered before we get to this really sweet jump suit…how does Yoda get to that planet that looks like the Brazilian Rainforest? Did Darth Vader go to anger management so he wouldn’t wipe out the remainder of the Sand People when he went back to Tatooine looking for the Death Star plans? What happened to Queen Amidala (Luke & Lea’s mom) – did she run off with a former unemployed NHL player? How did Luke feel about kissing his sister in "Empire Strikes Back?" How does Bobba-Fett hook up with Vader in "Empire" ? How cliché is a corrupt Senator (Palpatine) becoming Emperor ~ didn’t a bunch of Americans already do that? And why would Obi-wan go back to a planet with only one bar and no Hooters?

No matter what, George Lucas has his work cut out for him or they will just put a "to be continued" message at the end of the movie and we’ll all be back next summer!

From seeing the trailers we think we have Vader’s suit figured out. We think after Yoda abandons them, Obi-wan and Anniken (not yet Vader) are light-sabering on a bridge over a bunch of lava. After a series of witty banter, Anniken slips and falls into the lava. The Dark Side helps him get out but he is forever doomed to be in that halloween costume as Darth Vader as it is the Cosmic equivalent of an "iron lung"…

Email us on May 20^th and let us know if we were right!

(We’ll probably have to work!)

Obi-wan Dani & Darth-Josi

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Josi’s Two-Piece Promo Jumpsuit Listing

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thx my unworthy apprentice – a word about jump suits – i don’t know how but dani "volunteered" both us and mia to work a drink table last week – those of you who’ve had the “experience” of watching dani pour beer know that it is nearly impossible to stay dry within a six to eight foot radius of her – that is why on this day almost everything we owned was in the wash except suits and undies – we both are wearing our jump suits and dani gets offered $50 for my jacket! – so dani true to form starts taking bids on my suit – meanwhile mia and i are working our tails off while she’s having an auction instead of working! – i won’t divulge the final price but she got the bidding over $100 plus another $50 if i took my suit off right there – (why is it always me?) - i had no say in what dani was doing and still busy as heck trying to serve a pile of folks in her line dying of thirst – dani's still right there trying to up the bids and knowing full well all i had on were my lilo and stitch underoos underneath - i respectfully declined to sell my suit and suggested that she sell them hers since she certainly wasn’t doing any work anyway! – dani holds out for another $20 and then starts to strip! – at this point mia and i both got interested in how far sis would go for a buck – but unknown to us and the guys looking (dramatic pause) the wench was wearing her bathing suit and shorts underneath anyways – (why does dani always have her swimsuit – remember when she wore it to the nhl draft!?) - in summary she gets almost $200 and even though she did no work whatsoever she made us split the tips with her!

we lose all our money on ebay!

this listing was in complete retaliation for a comment that dani made to the world on one of our first ebay listings - though a true story! when we first became hooters girls and dani started our webstore we had absolutely no idea how popular it was going to be! - i started getting over seventy emails a day asking questions - flirting - everything! - i was in a hurry one night and a guy asked us to do a "three way" with him - being new to this i thought is was some kind of shipping method so i asked dani if we shipped things that way! - she of course wasted no time in publishing it in hooters magazine and everywhere else in the world - the next week i told this story to get her back!

I wasn't going to bring this up - but since you brought up the "3 way" thing I have to tell this. again a lot of the questions were quite "interesting" and I tried to answer them all. I let dani answer one - ONE question and this is what happened. She was emailing back and forth to this nice guy who wanted dani to autograph something that he got. dani doesn't realize that he's a really nice 14 year old boy that lives in hollywood (florida) and he tries to ride his bike the 25 miles to get her to sign it. his mom finds out, calls dani and really lays into her. so dani feels all bad about the whole thing, leaves work early and drives down to sign it for him. on the way she drives over glass and tears up a tire. well one tow truck and new tire later she finally gets down to sign the shirt. she's still in uniform top & shorts and winds up having her picture taken with all the kid's friends in the neighborhood!

keep in mind dani is the older, 4 years high school honor roll, smarter sister! thanks to this wizard our first week on ebay we sell everything we listed and LOST $72 while some kid is probably listing dani's pictures and making a fortune!!!

if we keep this up we should be bankrupt by spring! thx, josi

Josi's Exchange Rate!

Hi again from Dani...there was a very true story that I totally loved telling for months about when Josi first started at Hooters and how she didn't know that Canadian money and American money had different values. It went something like this...

Josi got a table of four real nice guys from Canada. I had been there a few months but it was only Jo's second week. They were all having a good time laughing and flirting and Jo really liked the neet "hoots" embroidered on the back of this one guy's shirt. When it came time for the check, about $90, Jo saw some Canadian money in the guys wallet and commented on how colorful it was. He immediately offered to pay her with the real nice colorful Canadian dollars instead of the American ones [of course!]

And my little sister jumped on the chance! The guys left before poor Jo found out she was out about $30 with the exchange rate! She was near tears and I felt so sorry for her...but as it turns out, the guys were really nice and just playing a joke. They were drinking and hadn't realized that they forgot to let Josi off the hook before they left. They felt so bad they came back the next day, paid the difference and a big tip, and gave Jo a really sweet shirt... one of the first things she wanted to get rid of on ebay!

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oh yeah! my really supportive and sweet big sister that "felt so sorry" for me couldn't wait to tell every person in that sat in her section the story! not to mention for two weeks she made me wear a name that said "US FUNDS ONLY"! - thx a lot dani!

xoxo-josi

Josi's & the NHL Draft!

My sister, the pinnacle of being a tom-boy, played hockey for years until the boys started enjoying checking her too much! She (with our Dad) has collected over 80 hockey jerseys growing up. I get asked if this story about our trip to the NHL entry draft is true and let me assure you that it totally is! We also both agree that it is one of our favorite times ever with our Dad!

Little Josi was like 15 or so and had all of a sudden, like overnight..."blossomed" into Jessica Rabbit! I mean like miracle-grow!!! So we went with Dad to the 2001 NHL draft to get our picture taken with the Stanley Cup because the way the Panther's are going it will be a long, long, long while before it comes back to South Florida! So there's little sister in her Coyote uniform (because she liked the "doggie" on the front emblem!) with only a sports bra underneath hanging over the boards and waving to the players! If you watch a replay of the ESPN2 broadcast you can see about four of the players come over to the left of the stage to get their picture with Josi - some even before they went to the team's table! And there's Jo taking off her Coyote jersey to try on one of the draftee's with Dad taking her picture in them! Two of the players even let Josi KEEP their jerseys - they just wanted to see her take off one and put on another. More of them wanted pictures of them with Jo than Dad wanted of them! One of the first round picks signed this jersey but we can't remember who so please don't bid based on the signature - Dad got really embarassed until he found out Jo could keep the uniforms - telling us players have thousands of jerseys in their career but only one draft jersey! Needless to say he went completely proud on Josi! He now has them locked away in a vault somewhere with his backup TV remote - the jerseys, not Josi...

Josi kept the flirting up...well into the third round!

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oh cute dani! well i went with dad because i wanted to spend some daddy-daughter time with him - truth is you went because you wanted to be in an arena with a bunch of guys who were about to become millionaires!!! and i did not say it was a doggie! and it wasn't "flirting" - those guys were really nice - you were just the bit jealous because only a couple of them asked you to pose - and by the way you left out the part that you went into a hockey arena with a bathing suit top on! so tell me who was looking for attention??? i mean who else goes to an ice rink in a bikini except my big sis??? did you see any bikini tops at the playoffs in calgary last year? i think not! at least i went with my jersey on! xoxo-josi

a final word on the 2001 NHL Draft...

my none too graceful sister dani - she is so very much a klutz - truth! the reason wayne gretzky did not come out of retirement when mario did is because when he was in south florida dani went (in her "clean" hooters top) to get his autograph at peir 66 - tripped, fell, knocked over his table and landed on the great one thus ending his comeback before it began...thx for looking -- xo josi

LUCKY US?

The great novel "Lucky You" was one of the few books that my sister Josi ever read outside of school. The story is superb a-typical Florida-Fantasy and really should be a movie one day! We are not sure if the following is true... but we really did meet this person!

We got a couple of tops trading with girls who were down on vacation from West Virginia. These girls were crazy and definitely not used to the 4AM club closings of Fort Lauderdale. Josi couldn't understand their accents at all and spent the whole night dancing going "Is that english?", "What'd she say?", "What, what???" ~ One of them, really sweet and a bit older than us named Dana, claims she was the model for the girl "Amber" in the great novel "Lucky You" (The book is so good it's the only book Josi's completed without pictures! If you haven't read it and your a Hooters fan its a must!!! ~ we have to admit she really fit the character's description perfectly!)

our apologies to mark twain!

one of the things we sold was our pouches from hooters - y'know the dumb three pocket money holding thingy they make us wear - it triggered my favorite story of dani's stupidity that i had to share with the world! - again a very true story!

dani once actually broke a school rule and played hookie! (nice seque eh?) - after months of coaxing she finally agreed to skip high school one day! - you would think she was planning a robbery or something - but dani the straight A student wouldn't skip unless we did it the "right" way like huck finn and tom sawyer - so she made us go fishing like in the mark twain books!!! - well to me anything was better than being in school even spending the afternoon on a canal with my nerd sister and some worms! - dani packs up her lunch pouch, bag (whatever) and we grab a cd disk and head out - she was so scared like she was stealing the declaration of independence on national treasure! - she actually brings a fishing rod!!! - and now i've seen it all but i'll go along - it was beautiful out so i was getting some sun while she reaches into the pouch and pulls out mcdonalds chicken nuggets for bait - somewhere sam clemmens was rolling over to be sure! - futility seemed immenent until all of a sudden dani actually gets a bite on her line! (she hadn't even gone into her lunch bag for fries yet!) - the reel goes crazy and the line bolts down river - we both grab the pole and pulled and pulled because we were laughing so hard neither of us could figure out how to turn the reel! - i thought she had bagged jaws or something and we finally started winning and reeling in the big one! - dani had aspirations of some record catch until we finally got it on land and it turned out she had hooked a rather upset raccoon! it actually chased her on to a picnic table and i would have helped but i leave the rodents to the honor students! - it grabbed her pouch and devoured her lunch, snarled a bit, and bolted off with an attitude (guess he didn't read twain!) - i may have mentioned the incident to a few people at school and a greatly embarassed dani never broke the law again - she also never got the pouch back! - she's right...i didn't have anything to add! - xo-josi

dani's rejected tsunami shorts!

though our prayers are with all those poor people - here is another true happening confirming my sister is a total slob!

Ok...I have to admit my embarassment, we were going to list another one of my shorts but couldn't find a clean pair handy. After Josi got done laughing hysterically, she dropped them off with our other unsellable stuff to the tsunami relief fund nearby... yes before my sister says anything they did reject a couple of the items that may have been mine...

and yes Jo - if the folks at home are watching CNN and see a poor little girl in wing stained Hooters uniforms...

(sigh) they were probably mine...

Josi's Fan Requests

Pretty much everybody asked for more wet tops or at least the opportunity to see Josi in more wet tops! Since we did the "wet-T Shirt" look last time we got requests to smear everything from peanut butter to 10W-40 on poor Jo. (and to the guy from Maine... I will not be tying my sister up in dental floss in the next uniform top listing!) Just so you know I won't be peeing on Josi or anything like that either...we will consider chocolate though... Chocolate is always an option!

We got a few mom's, wives, or mistresses mad out there apparently - however two of them that complained did bid on the stuff! We sort of figure they were mad they didn't win! Dani

my sister "klutzilla"

dani is the poster child for klutziness! seriously - when she opens a bottle of ketchup it looks like the manson family christmas party just finished! - people go to gallagher shows and come out with less food on them than the poor people that sit in her section! i am so very serious! when she does side work we have to cover the entire floor in newspaper like we were potty training a puppy!

Josi's First Job

My sister has decided to sell her uniform shorts as, for the first time in her life, she worked last year and on April 15th had the delightful pleasure of paying taxes like the rest of us . Actually this is her second job ever...when we were little Dad had one of those aluminum carts that held two [plastic] trash cans. When we were around 5 years old he would give Jo and I a quarter every week to wheel them back to the garage. That only lasted a few weeks for Josi, as she decided to avoid work the remainder of life and sell shorts on ebay instead...if anyone from the IRS is reading...she never claimed the trash can income!

Thank you so much and here's Jo...

Dani

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hi all! - if anyone from the IRS is reading i never got the trash can money!!! - yes when we were little she did con me into helping her - the only thing is that we lived on a circle drive with about five other houses - dani told me dad was paying us a quarter to do all the houses on the circle - so like an idiot i believed her and there i am carting a bunch of empty trash cans up people's driveways every week - meanwhile dani has cut a deal with all the neighbors and is getting a quarter from each of them - so i'm working my little shorts off and she only share's dad's quarter with me!!! - she pocketed all the other neighbors money - some sweet sister huh!? - those same high moral principals carry on at work when you share a section with her today!

xoxo-josi

st patrick's day with dani

dani would perform every year at st patrick's day festivals all over florida - dad would drag me around with him to watch her - dani made the fatal mistake of mentioning her dancing on something we were selling - and ---

just so you folks know i only did the shows one year - dani did them every year and dad would drag me along to watch - actually it was kind of fun watching her in all that big hair - y'know how some people go to car races only to see the crashes? - same prinicipal with her dancing - folks would go to see dani's shows just to see how spectacular her falls were! - not only would she lose it herself but she could take out an entire line of dancers with just one spill! - if she were in riverdance it would have been cancelled in it's first week and michael flatley would be serving pints now at some pub in derry !!!

and dani's response that still makes no sense today!

I would like to point out have you ever seen a really pretty girl wearing a long sleeve, low cut, top like this walking her dogs? (bare with me on this) And one of the dogs is really big and one is really small. So she walks them to the store about a half mile away and both dogs arrive at the same time but the big dog hardly works at all so he's not tired but the little dog had to run his butt off to keep up and is beat when they get there! Josi is just like the little dog!

Dani

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o dani - that was a really articulate and well thought out analogy - but what the heck has that got to do with this listing???????? now that everyone at home is totally confused about this top let me explain that dani was up late last night diagraming sentences or organizing her underwear drawer or something exciting like that - she wanted to get really rowdy and play scrabble but our cat ate the vowels (he eats vowels when you ignore him...it's his way...) - so now she's in between cleaning up and trying to figure out how to get us kicked off ebay again - the result is total delusion! - i have to go take care of her now - happy st pats day! josi

a brief word on driving in georgia

dani and our trip to georgia was great - beautiful state! - nothing like we thought although we were thinking "deliverance" - one thing about georgia - in florida they confuse the tourists by throwing in spanish on the street signs - imagine some poor person from gary indiana trying to figure out what an exit off 95 called "boca raton" is leading you to!?

"oh what does that mean honey?"

"rats mouth!"

"lets go to the next exit"

however in georgia they have a different motivation - they name all the streets the same! "how do you get to hooters" (i foolishly asked) - "well you go down peachtree street - left on peachtree court - go south on peachtree drive - take peachtree turnpike south - then it's your first peachtree place - can't miss it!" you have to realize dani needs GPS to find the bathroom so we spent most of our time lost - xoxo-josi!

dani & our pets

my sister dani hasn't much luck in love mainly because she's so annoying! - she even bothers our pets! (cat, 2 birds, 2 fish - an apartment food chain!) - she reads her writing to them and then looks at them like she expects a comment - didn't "son of sam" start that way??? - when she was little she had a pet turtle and she annoyed it so much it ran away! - who knew turtles could run? - (scary part is dani couldn't keep up!) - look forward to dani's inevitable therapy! - xoxo-josi

josi's slap shot

Josi won a bet with a customer who said she couldn’t score (no!) on a shot from the blue line to the net. Josi took it one better bringing in her Wayne Gretzky autographed stick and betting she could score clear across the restaurant into a small container. Jo took the bet and wrist-shot a burned hamburger bun fifty feet across the restaurant into a to-go container! The place about died but it wasn’t quite fair, Jo was a great roller and street hockey player when she was younger but had to quit when the boys were enjoying checking her way too much!

I wish you all could see her now as it’s her turn to describe the listing and "Jo the sloth" is lying on our blow-up couch eating ice cream and watching TV with only a Disney robe and her Lilo & Stitch slippers on…so young and soooo very lazy!

The folks are waiting Josi…

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LAZY??? - actually dani – right now I’m living up to my full potential!!! - and the reason I’m tired is because I made the monumental mistake of going so sawgrass mills mall with dani so she could get some shoes! – six hours and fifty-five stores later she still didn’t find anything she liked – so all we came home with was fatigue – and since dani brought up the "young josi" stuff – when she and I were really young dad took us to "sawgrass mills" for the first time – for those of you who don’t know florida this place is so big it has it’s own zip code – it is about the size of rhode island and as confusing to get around in as downtown miami! – the three of us went in the entrance and dad went up to the big mall maps when my future-genius-honor-roll-save-the-world-big-sister saw the little arrow that says "you are here" turned to dad and completely serious asked him "dad – how do they know that – we just walked in?" xo - josi

"destiny"

dani had them put "destiny" on a name tag after a charector in some nora roberts novel she was reading - we have seen pages on line written about her under this name from folks in orlando! - she wore this on a busy weekend because - basically - she's really weird! - and if people complained that she dumped a pitcher or dropped wings there would be no way corporate could figure out who it was!!! - (note it didn't work!) - to all you guys who thought there was some really deep, dark secret to the name - DON'T!!! - she's just weird! - speaking of dark right now she's showering in the dark - seriously - i go into the bathroom and expect that "psycho" music to come on! - not only that but she's like an "accountant by candlelight" she puts on soft music - candles - gets really romantic (dramatic pause) and then pays our bills! - no wonder we never have any money!!! - so please bid on dani's name tag because we will probably need the money for her therapy - xoxo-josi

i wish we had been waitressing longer so i could say that black shorts weren’t for formal friday but were made so dani’s spills wouldn’t show – along that thought remember how my sister the klutz ruined wayne gretzky’s comeback? – one time she spilled drinks on dan marino – since dani doesn’t know a thing about football we told her he was joe namath and she apologized to “mr. namath” totally ruining his day – i bring this up because our cousin lisa was skiing at vail this year and said she ran into dan there – i don’t know if it’s true but she claims he still remembers dani – if so i’m sure it’s not for her behind! – xo - josi

missing hockey last winter...

what nhl??? - does anyone remember those guys - it's may and the playoffs should be hot and heavy but noooo - our heros (ducks included) would much rather be playing in siberia - not that the panthers had a snowball's chance in florida of making the playoffs - but wouldn't it be a lot more fun playing at disney (the ducks or lightning) in the second round than playing in vladisvostock? do you have to hit an nhl player with a zamboni before they realize they had it made and are leading the greatest game on earth to ruin? remember guys you are following the same wizards' plan that brought eastern airlines to where it is today! - looking forward to star wars this weekend since there's no hockey to watch!!! - thx always - xo - josi

Has anyone besides us noticed there was no NHL hockey this spring? We just read that ESPN used their option and bailed out on carrying games next season (if there is one). Another brilliant move by the owners and players. The funny part is this apparently came as a shock to the hockey braintrust! So this season ESPN had better ratings and there were no games - go figure!

To the players we love ya but you have to be crazy thinking the league can profit with your salaries. What did the Sabres go into bankruptcy for publicity? Investing in an NHL franchise makes the Florida Lottery look like a sure-thing! If an owner can make money in the NHL the next trick is with loaves of bread and fish!

And to the NHL owners, most likely Disney looked into the fan base and found out that the only viewers they had left were a bunch of kids in Canada and two girls in Florida! All that clutching, grabbing, and goonery to allow lame players to compete with great ones really paid off huh?! Way to go guys...great business sense! Maybe it's time to open that snow tire franchise in Miami!

PS: Oh yeah - Get rid of the Red Line

Dani & Josi

"sickling" rivalry

Contrary to what Josi wrote on our other listing I did not call around to get pricing on a "Fonda" ~ however the other accusations may have some merit... For the record Jo is probably the worst person in the world to be sick around...she's normally a slug that can't get up off the couch but as soon as she senses that you don't feel well she turns into a ferret on caffeine and wants to go everywhere and do everything...

Dani

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back to your annoying self dani??? - and what about all the ice cream i bought you that you didn't eat while you were recovering? - i had to eat it all - all by myself - so it wouldn't go bad!!! - i'm such the caring sister! - i rebuke your accusation that i'm a slug and one day i'll wake up before noon and show you!!! - actually i kind of liked the "ferret on caffeine" analogy - that one was pretty good - got to go now - it's nap time - xoxo-josi

hooters girls vs. hockey players

So welcome back to the NHL! We may be wrong but just guessing that the thought of playing another year in Siberia finally kicked some sense in! What a cheat though that under the new contract the lowest paid player will be making $450,000 a year! Not bad for 8 months work (much less actually if you're the Rangers or Panthers and don't have a chance to make the playoffs!!!) We worked it out and ~ rough estimating ~ to make $450,000 at Hooters at, say 20% tips we would need to sell $2,250,000.00 in food & beverage ~ at the company average of $9 per cover, Josi and I would have to wait on 250,000 customers each this year! Or, based on an eight month "season" we both would have to serve 1,488 customers each a day on a 5 day schedule! And that is to keep up with the lowest paid player in the NHL next season!!! In addition, for the record, no one gave us any "signing bonus" when we filled out our applications!

And you guys are complaining?

Dani & Josi, twohockeyfans

dani & the internal revenue service

just a note on dani's bat-top listing here - we went to see the movie and - well - ok - not bad but a subjective opinion i think you should wait for the dvd - if you recall dani did not list her promo top when i listed mine last month - since seeing the movie she has changed her mind - she's weird that way - if she had liked the flick you couldn't get this top away from her with a crowbar - but since she didn't like it * and even if she did love the top - she would get rid of it! - dani once wouldn't buy gas from chevron for six months because a chevron tank truck cut her off on the highway! - really she would pass the station and run out of gas before turning around!!! - one time we had these guys eat lunch who worked for internal revenue service - they ran dani ragged and left her like a dollar tip - the next day dani wrote the irs a certified letter and told them "my only source of income to pay my taxes is from guest gratuities" * "due to the poor tipping of your employees i will be unable to accomodate my tax bill this year..." - and she seriously sent it!!! (we did however pay our taxes)

josi & the internal revenue service

Josi made comment about my letter to the IRS regarding the questionable tipping practices of their field employees. I just wanted to bring up that my sister wasn't even going to pay taxes! She asked me "Dani do I have to...I don't have any money left..."

After a phone call to Dad we saw Josi's first and only time ever where she volunteered to pick up shifts!!!

So basically she is selling the jersey she got me for Christmas (nice sister, eh?) to pay back Dad.

Thank you fellow taxpayers, Dani

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hi everyone - now that you've heard the wrong side of the story let me just say that dani has no place critisizing anyone about borrowing money for taxes - her first year working she asked dad (foolishly in front of me) if she "actually had to pay her taxes" - dad answered back - "no hunny just call congress and ask them how much they need and i'll cover it!" - after seventeen years of living with us you would think dad would know better than to say things like that - you would also think the honor student could recognize sarcasm but dani spent an afternoon on the phone trying to get a dollar amount to give dad to pay!!! - needless to say that really really made his day when dani let him know she had called every irs listing in the book and gave them dad's number! (ok i took poetic license here she didn't call every number - only the highlited ones!)

the NHL returns!

The following rumors have been circulating:

1) All teams will wear the same uniform as their mascots

2) Pucks that go off ice can be thrown back into play by the fans

3) All players will sign 82 "one-game" contracts and the fans vote after each game wether or not to renew

4) Out of sympathy the New York Rangers, who have traded away their next decade of first round picks, are guaranteed a first round pick in 2047 entry draft

5) Todd Bertuzzi officially was suspended last season without pay

6) Teams in Canada will schedule all their home games in the Spring

7) The Playoffs will be expanded to 30 teams - home ice advantage will be determined by "rock, paper, scissors..."

8) Goals scored from beyond the red line will count as "three pointers" and the goalie allowing them is suspended

9) The vulcanized puck will be replaced with new ones made out of the same stuff as super balls

10 Soccer size nets will now be used to increase scoring - however count on Roberto Luongo to break the saves record again with the Panthers!

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massachusetts is one place we have been...

we went up to cape cod to visit relatives (in other words vacationing for free!) - the best part was watching dani (we grew up with florida water temperatures) - run into nantucket sound without stopping and freeze - freeze - freeze her thong off!!! - by the way why don't people on cape cod use the letter "r"? - also we noticed our dad hasn't lived their for over 20 years but the moment we crossed the state line he started talking like everyone else in massachusetts - we couldn't understand what he was saying - then one of our cousins asked us if we wanted to go to "hootas" - we had no idea what he meant and said yes like dumb tourists - (wow a dream come true when we got there right?) - so they took us to a place called swan river fish market instead - excellent! - highly recommend - then we found out they opened one here in florida in naples - so we'll be there too!- xo-josi

dani's photo

just a note on getting pictures of dani - first of all she has that darn digital camera dad gave her with her all the time - there is no peace! - going out - staying in - the bathroom - gynecologist - everywhere!!! - she's totally obsessed! - so when dani takes pictures she just makes me put something on and shoots like 5,000 shots - i use a real camera with real film (you all remember what that is right?) - and getting dani's photo is like trying to take a picture of a ferret after a triple espresso! - she can't stay still for a second!!! - all the ritalin in florida couldn't calm her down - she wanted all the behind shots of her * but taking one shot of this swimsuit coverup took like 20 minutes and she still had to play with a darn butterfly so this is the best photo i could get - another thing (dramatic pause) - after the film is developed she inspects them like the cia looking at satellite photos before she will upload one on ebay! - it's like a whole day process to look at five pictures

opposing views of summer vaction

Jo basically feels going to classes might hurt her grade point average!

Dani

oh listen to my "nerd in paradise" sister - when we were in school dani was the only person i knew who looked forward to summer ending and going back to school! - she would even study on vacation!!! - how sick is that? - when we were kids and she told dad she was going to the library to study she actually went there!!! - she had at least four bookbags like this one and would con guys into carrying them everywhere - not just class and stuff * but to the beach or mall or movies * whatever - and though ms. honor roll is pretty darn smart (sometimes) - i am firmly convinced that dani only wants to be a writer for one reason * she wants to get her picture on the back of her novel in a halston suit like amanda quick or nora roberts and pose with that kind of sexy/goofy look those writers have - (by the way why are their arms crossed in almost every picture on the back covers?) - by the way if you think i'm exaggerating about dani nerding out - i'm definitely not! - she's the only person in florida that counts the days until summer vacation is over!

NASA & dani

hi to everyone - first of all dani's butt is getting bigger!!! - it is only my superb photographic skills that make her still look thin!!! (just kidding sis) - notably this week we did get the u.s. navy hat that was "accidentally" left in the restaurant back to sfc boyd - we also managed to break our air conditioning in the truck so dani devised this dumb system of a battery operated fan and a cooler half-full of ice to keep it cool - wow! - she's so smart! (lol) - like NASA should call her when they have problems with the space shuttle! - give her a hair clip and some rubber bands she could've fixed the fuel gage problem weeks ago!!!

We don’t know if it’s because we’re relatively new to being on our own or if we’re just dumb, or perhaps a combination of both but there seems to be a lot of things that you are supposed to "just accept" from the government when you grow up. Our latest observation is the power bill. Ok so for eighteen years dad paid our bill even though he accused us [well Josi] of "air-conditioning the neighborhood" and not closing the fridge all the way. So we moved last winter and the bill was outrageous at like $50 to $60 a month. Well now it’s summer in Florida, well it’s always summer in Florida, but now it’s nuts! Our bill has tripled! We realize that Florida is owned and operated by FPL but wow…dad was right about Josi wasting electricity!!!

Dani

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oh listen to ms. "i have to run the shower for fifteen minutes before i get in there" talking about me wasting electricity! – and then she has to run the hairdryer like four times a day redoing her hair – and what about the laundry dani????? – (nevermind I do the laundry) – but in all fairness she made me read the charges on the bill – amoung them "electric service amount", "gross receipts tax", "utility tax", "florida sales tax", "bumper sticker tax" (kidding) - and now a hurricane surcharge for last years four hurricanes – we didn’t even live here last year! – how can we be surcharged – and what is a "kilowatt hour" anyways? – i mean you can look at a gallon of gas and see what your getting but how do you "see" a kilowatt to make sure your getting it? – and who designed those meters? – they are like little munchkin tachometers – the honor student read the back of our bill – checked the meter – and figured our bill should be about $147,000 for last month – (granted it was a hot month!) - so dani theorized that nobody must really read them and they just make up some arbitrary number based on how much money they need – you know sort of like congress! – so she finds out the next meter reading date and the day before covers the meter with the hooters bumper sticker so the numbers can’t be read – this initiated two critical errors on her part – first of all betting her sister that no one would notice – and second the genius didn’t realize that they would know exactly whose apartment to go to to find the wisea@@ that messed up their meter – the next day nothing happened and it appeared dani might be right (for the moment) – however two days later we get a knock at the door and the tallest person we had ever seen was there in the doorway – he was like an eclipse! – the only thing that was remotely familiar was the "fpl" logo on the tent he was wearing – then – without hesitation – dani said the words i’ve heard oh so many times growing up with her - - - "JOSI DID IT!"

also if we don’t answer your email it’s not because we’re rude – it’s because my wizard sister managed to piss off the only power company in town – xoxo from the dark - josi

why is our cat demanding his own email?

erina's view of americans

Hooters Uniform Shorts

For those of you looking in our shorts (lol) Josi just took an alka-seltzer and then drank half a Pepsi...she's about to explode! Thank you all for bidding on our bumper stickers and magnets last week. We raised a bit of money for one of the local girls soccer teams with them. If my sister doesn't blow up she will describe our uniform shorts...

Here's Josi!

Thank you so much, Dani

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hi all - we are on cape cod when you will be reading this so i apologize that i probably will not be able to email any answers to questions until we get back - here is a pair of dani's uniform shorts - speaking of pepsi (pause for effect) please note that there are pulled threads on the front waistband where "klutzilla" (dani) got stuck to the pepsi machine at work - i don't mean walked into - i mean she literally got these shorts stuck on it - she tried to pull away the first time and dumped four full glasses all over the station - then to complete the ensemble after she pulled herself free she stepped on the spilled ice and dropped her fat butt in a pool of soda - you heard us mention in the last auction that we got some origami dolls from erina a little girl in japan - when dani took the dive in these shorts erina's father got up from his table and started snapping pictures of dani flopping around on the floor - i would have helped but erina thought everyone was allowed to play in dani's puddle and i had to grab her before she dove in - so dani - figuring her shorts are now jinxed - refused to wear them again! - josi

dani the illegal bartender

As our prologue promised by the time you are reading this Jo and I are pretty much sunburned on the beaches of Cape Cod. We should be back in touch on Thursday, August 24th. If we didn't mess up this listing will start in the future on Wednesday ~ even though our new "Don't Give A Hoot" top listing is in the future... it will actually be two days old when we get back from now...

Nevermind...Here's Josi...

Thank you so much, Dani

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hi from up north - welcome to our "don't give a hoot" top listing - now that dani has completely confused you all i will try to clarify - it is friday * five days before now - well now meaning when you are reading this - unless of course you read slow then in that case it might be friday again - so that would mean it's actually today - ok nevermind - now she has me doing it! - the top is new without tags - it is from dani's brief (15 minute) excursion into real bartending - not that 'pour the beer' hooters bartending - but actually making a drink - the first customer stumped her when he asked for a rum and coke - to which dani replied "what's in it?" (she claims she thought he said 'roman-coke' - yeah right!) so fortunately for the thirsty world they found out really quick that we were way to young to be behind a 'real' bar and dani was expelled! - back to our top - from the 'brickhouse' spin-off chain - it is new - worn for mear minutes by dani - the one we are selling has "brickhouse" and "fort myers beach" for the location on the front - "we don't give a hoot" on the back in hooters orange screened lettering - the material is the same stretchy stuff as hooters tops but really good quality - the size is medium but mine shrunk big time in the wash to about the size of a hooters small size top - (then again we stink at doing laundry!) xoxo-josi

more hockey...

Back to the land of hurricane's and wow what a surprise that Roberto Luongo went to arbitration. Before we get into our panty hose we want to say he should have taken the $5,000,000 per year ~ same money as the great Marty Brodeur ~ played his heart out, made big money in the playoffs, and signed a bunch of endorsements. (who is his agent the same guys that negotiated for the NHLPA?) Second of all the Panther's are gambling that Roberto's new spouse won't want to move from South Florida to Canada in two years and he'll jump on the last offer. Either way...even at $3,200,000 per year that he "settled" on you probably won't see his wife on ebay selling her footless panty hose to pay for the Florida Power & Light Hurricane Power Surcharge this month!

Dani & Josi

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sibling vacations

New in box Tamara C Hose

Yes Josi is going to make fun of me because I bought the wrong footless hose again. I have nothing to say in this regards. Yes I bought the wrong ones and yes we're listing them again. Cape Cod was beautiful and we had a great time. We thought it a bit wet until we came back to Hurricane Katrina yesterday! Speaking of "footless" and "hose", while we were fishing with our cousin Billy [hi billy!] in Dennisport, Josi slipped off the rocks and took a dive into Herring River. I don't think we were supposed to be fishing there anyways and I wasn't about to jump in to help her, [after all there were fish in there!] So our cousin Bill had to dive in to "save" her. Josi just wouldn't be Josi without a wet-T shirt...here's my sis and more hose!

Dani

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thank you beloved sibling - true i was mysteriously "nudged" off the rocks and my sweet sister would have left me their for bait had she not realized i had the car keys in my pocket (note that our keys were on one of those floaty things like listed in our other auction) <<< pretty cool how i worked that in huh!? - so into dani's size C tamara hose description - they are new new in box - now what? - back to the story * trust me you just wouldn't want dani around in an emergency - if she's just finished brushing her hair she wouldn't mess it up to save herself! - i have a clear picture of her working as a "911" emergency operator -

" - can you call back after my nails dry?"

" - a car wreck? - mercedes or lexus? - did it have a gucci airbag?"

" - they stole your pear-shaped diamond? - well round ones look better"

" - my shift's almost done - can you jump now"

so please bid on our new size C hose - by the way dani got like all A's in spelling in school and you would think she could find an "A" on the boxes before she buys these things - free picture disk included and we're home now so i will get to the emails as soon as possible - thx so much for your patience - xoxo josi